


The Panty Fic

by RedNightDeer, ReplacementRobin



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Abduction, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Sexual Situations, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Flirting, Human Experimentation, Humor, M/M, No Angst, Panties, Panty Kink, Sex Pollen, Tentacles, but no sex, but not so horny they're banging in a hallway, more lie - horny to the point they don't have filters, not as dark as that makes it sound, this was a joke that got out of hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26406580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedNightDeer/pseuds/RedNightDeer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReplacementRobin/pseuds/ReplacementRobin
Summary: Bruce Wayne is kidnapped in the middle of the night by a group of aliens intent on experimentation. He has no suit, no gadgets, and no way to escape  - it’s up to Superman to save him from whatever sinister plans they have in store for him.OrA group of aliens think Bruce Wayne is so sexy that they visit Earth to try to research him and his reactions to some funky alien pheromones - too bad the people of Earth seem to be against this and send Superman to get him back.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 9
Kudos: 126





	The Panty Fic

**Author's Note:**

> We came up with this as a joke.  
> Well now it’s a fic.  
> Enjoy.  
> And please mind the tags.

_“Breaking news! Billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne has been kidnapped by aliens.”_

Clark’s head snaps up, all attention focused on the Tv bolted to the wall of the daily planet’s staff room. 

_“Earlier today an unidentified flying object was spotted hovering above the Wayne residence. When Army officials attempted to contact the ship, they received this eerie reply.”_

A tinny audio clip starts playing, and the voice of what appears to be one of the aforementioned officials is heard. _“Identify yourself and your reason for being here.”_ A few moments pass in silence before they receive an answer. It’s an unpleasant warbling of high pitched noises. _“We, the Krylls, are here seeking knowledge on human courting behaviours. We intend to return the subject, Bruce Wayne, your planets ‘_ sexiest man alive _’ once we have acquired all the information needed.”_  
The audio clip ends, but Clark is already out of the building and flying towards Gotham, his red cape flapping behind him. 

When Superman reaches the city limits, he can already see the aliens' ship hovering high above the tall buildings, no supervision needed.

The vessel is large and epileptic in shape, the smooth metallic looking exterior is a dull gray and covered with darker lines that remind him of a circuit board. Clark tries to use his x-ray vision to scope out the inner workings of the ship, but whatever material it's made of, it’s close enough to lead that everything is hazy, like trying to look through a glass window caked with dirt.

Superman starts flying towards it to get closer and revolves around it to find an entry. He manages to spot what looks like a hatch and flies there, puts his fingers between the panels and with his super strength, he pries it open.

As he does that, he slips in, but before he can go further or x-ray the place, worms start coming towards him from every corner and the same voice he heard from the audio clip diffused in the news raises. 

“Welcome. You’re quite sexy too. Can we experiment on you?”

Clark can’t move nor really think for a few seconds. “No?” he tries, then he gets back his confidence, remembering what his mission is: save Bruce Wayne. “No! I’m here to take Mister Wayne back.”

“But we’re experimenting on him.” The voice sounds disappointed. 

Clark can hear some sighes and discouraged little ‘ah’ sounds around him, coming from the worms. It's kinda cute. But anyway. “Did he give you his consent to be experimented on? And how can I make sure you’re not going to hurt him?”

“We can promise to?”

“Sorry, that’s not good enough.” Clark tries to x-ray the ship again but whatever material was used for the exterior, was also for the interior walls. He decides instead to listen and find Bruce’s heartbeat. 

“Please, can we keep him?” It’s a little voice that came from his left. 

Clark sighes. “No. You can’t keep him.”

“Ugh… fine…” The voice sounds dejected. 

Clark starts walking towards the source of the heartbeat, the Krylls following behind him, creeping on the floor. When he finally finds the room from which the heartbeat is coming, Clark opens that door with force too, like he did with the hatch. His eyes widen and he starts choking.

In front of him, Bruce Wayne is hanging from the ceiling with slick tentacles grabbing his limbs, making him do a spread eagle, creeping on his naked body except for a tiny red laced blue silk panty with a yellow ‘s’ sign on it. 

Bruce glances to him and they lock eyes. 

There is no sound except for the machinery of the ship. 

Clark suddenly remembers why he’s here and walks towards Bruce. “I’m here to save you, Mister Wayne.” 

Bruce smiles as Clark manages to rip the tentacles from his body. The feelers coat his hands in slick and he notices it smells nice. It has an exotic smell, something he can’t put a name on, but it’s sweet. 

He turns to Bruce and offers him his arm to lean on. The man smirks and flutters his eyelids, making his long and black lashes sweep his cheeks. “Superman came to save me?” he asks, smiling and showing him his white teeth. “How nice from you.”

“It is my duty,” answers back Clark, and he can feel Bruce’s hand on his arm, as if there wasn’t the fabric of his suit between their skin. Clark wishes there wasn’t any fabric. 

Unfortunately, Bruce withdraws his hand, still smirking, and starts walking towards the door, chuckling a little, “I can walk, don’t worry. They didn’t probe anything.”

That’s at that moment that Clark understands that what Bruce Wayne is wearing is a string. 

He can’t take off his eyes from Bruce’s bubble butt. 

When Bruce disappears past the door, and Clark is finally alone, he sighs and squeezes the bridge of his nose. What a butt it is. So smooth and squishy looking. Damn.

Once getting back his composure, he starts walking to join Bruce again. The other man is looking around, as if he’s trying to understand where he is.

“This is their spaceship.”

Bruce turns around and smiles, leaning against a wall in a seductive way. “Oh… Well, how are we going to leave, Mister Superman?”

Clark gulps and then looks away. “Uh… I will carry you out?”

“That sounds like a nice plan.” Bruce’s voice is velvet and wine in an abandoned castle, rain and storm out, rooms only illuminated by the light of old candles. 

Clark swallows as he tries to not ask himself how Bruce’s voice would sound moaning his name. He forces a smile on his lips and guides the other man towards the open hatch. 

Bruce smirks, and looks decided to keep walking in front of him, thus giving Clark a very nice view of his ass. The Kryptionian tries to not glance at that fine piece of cake but he fails lamentably. 

Clark winces as the front of his suit grows uncomfortably tight. He can’t help but feel upset at himself, he usually has better control of himself than this. Control is something you have to learn pretty quick when you could accidentally demolish a building.  
Despite his usually stellar control, between the sweet smell diffusing through the corridor, and the toned tush swaying in front of him - he’s almost certain Mr. Wayne knows _exactly_ what he’s doing - he notices it’s hard for him to keep his control.

It’s both a blessing and a curse when they reach the end of the corridor and Bruce turns to face him. On one hand he no longer has to resist the urge to touch that fine deriarre, on the other he’s now faced with the man's incredibly defined pecs and washboard abs.

Bruce clears his throat and Clark jerks his eyes away from the glorious muscles to look at the other man's smug face. “So, are you going to fly us down?”

“Oh, yeah, um... of course,” Clark stutters out, pausing awkwardly before scooping Bruce up into a bridal carry and stepping off the platform beginning to fly what might be slower than usual towards the manor, but nobody needs to know that.

Bruce places a large hand on Clark’s chest and he swears his heart's beating so fast Bruce can probably feel it. The silence seems overwhelmingly charged with tension, and so Clark tries to fix this by blurting the first thing that comes to his mind. “Are the panties yours, or did the aliens give them to you?”

If he wasn’t currently holding Bruce, Clark would definitely be putting his face in his hands and going to find somewhere to sit and die of embarrassment, but for now all he can do is glance away and feel blood rush to his cheeks. Well, at least there was less of it to rush to… other places.

“They’re mine” Bruce says casually, “I wear them to sleep in my bed.” Oh right, the aliens had taken him some time in the early hours of the morning, he must have still been asleep.

“So,” Clark starts, because he’s clearly a masochist with no self control, “do you wear them often?”

“Actually, I usually go with black leather,” Bruce says, a smug look on his face like it was some kind of private joke, but Clark is too busy choking on air to notice. “But I have to admit going to bed to sleep with this blue one is very nice," he adds, smirk still firmly on his face. Who knew that the only thing needed to take down the invincible Superman was a few innuendos about BDSM? Bruce almost regrets spending all that money on kryptonite.

“I’d like you to wear them to sleep in my bed.” Clark says without thinking.

Bruce has impeccable control over his body, so he doesn’t do something as mediocre as blush, but he can’t hide the way his heart rate spikes at the words. Apparently the Boy Scout has some moves.

Alas all good - albeit embarrassing - things must come to an end, and so less than a minute later Clark is landing on the grass in front of the Wayne manor. After a moment that lasts possibly a smidgen too long, he places Bruce down on his feet.

The clicking of shutters catches Clarks attention and he looks towards where the sound comes from, finding a group of paparazzi and their large lenses at the gate of the manor, all scrambling to get a picture of the scantily clad Wayne in Superman’s arms. Bruce follows his gaze and spots the reporters too, but he seems to make no move to cover his modesty, instead he very deliberately tilts his face to compensate for the mere inch difference in their height, and places a kiss against Clark's cheek. The blush that had just started to fade returns in full force as Bruce places his lips this time at Clarks ear and in a sultry tone whispers; “My hero.”  
  
He steps away from the Kryptonian and saunters towards the door of the manor, hips swaying as he goes, leaving Clark to try nondescriptly cover his front with his cape. After the man enters the house and leaves Clark’s sight, the superhero takes a deep breath and shoots up into the air. He really hopes Batman won’t hear about this.

**Author's Note:**

> So uh this happened... Me and Pax had a joke and somehow it became a fic which took four months to write because _Life ___  
> I hope you enjoyed it! Any likes and comments are appreciated!


End file.
